B67
by Willow1593
Summary: “You're not a part-time shag.” Ianto gave a mirthless laugh. “What am I then, Jack? A full-time shag?" Janto. Ianto can't do this any more.


**Title: **B67

**Summary: **" Jack was speechless. There was a whole host of things that he wanted to say, refutations he wanted to make, feelings he had to articulate. But what came out was: "You're not a part-time shag." Ianto gave a mirthless laugh. "What am I then, Jack? A full-time shag?" "

**Pairing: **Janto. Or at least the end thereof.

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Rating: **T, for mentions, however vague, of sex. Oh, and one swearword.

**B67**

JXI

_One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else - Anonymous_

_Just so you know, there's a space that only you can fill. Just so you know, I loved you then. I guess I always will - Anonymous_

JXI

It was eleven p.m., on Tuesday 17th July. Jack remembered that, years later.

"Well," Gwen said, exhaustion clear in her voice, "I think that's the last of them." She shut the door to the cell, and turned to Jack.

The weevil clear-up had taken the best part of a week. Without Owen to do his "King of the Weevils" trick, when forty-seven of them fell through the rift, it took far longer than expedient to sort out the problem.

And yet, in a way, Jack was grateful. It took his mind off the fact that they were two men down.

He looked Gwen up and down. She looked harried, and there were large purple bags under her usually perfectly made-up brown eyes. In fact, she looked so forlorn that he took her into his arms and gave her a hug.

She leant into the contact, her arms tightening around him. He noted how her head fit perfectly under his chin, as though she had been designed to be there. He felt, rather than heard, her whisper.

"I miss them."

"I know, sweetie, I do too." He gave her a light kiss on top of her head. "We've just got to keep going. For them. For us."

"I know."

There was a light cough behind them. Reluctantly, Gwen pulled away from Jack, leaving her hand entwined with his. Ianto stood there, his suit dishevelled, holding a cup of coffee. The expression on his face was unfathomable.

"That's the last of the retconning done. Four hundred and thirty six people given the pill on the pretext that the weevils were infected with swine-flu so they needed antibiotics."

"That's great," said Gwen. She looked over to Jack. "I'd better get back to Rhys."

She began to take the steps, very slowly. Her shoulders were slumped, and she swayed ever so slightly.

"Let me take you home," Jack called up after her.

She turned at the top and smiled beautifically down at him. "Nah, I'll be okay. Rhys is waiting on the pier. Good night, Jack. Ianto."

"G'night."

She left, and Jack turned back to his only remaining team member.

Ianto was still looking straight at him, that same impassive look on his face.

Jack surveyed him, and felt a thud of joy through his heart. The hair, normally carefully gelled, was ruffled, and his tie was crooked. There was a rip in his trousers, just above the knee, a souvenir of his one-on-one battle with a weevil. Despite it all: weevils, Gray, Tosh and Owen, the madness that was Torchwood; Ianto was there, a solid presence who he would die to protect. Even if he didn't come back to life every time he tried. Jack felt that at that moment, he couldn't have asked for anything more in the world.

"So..." Jack tried for an approximation of his old, sexy grin. "Now that we've got some downtime, and we're both too wound up to sleep, how do you feel about a drink and some sex?"

"No."

The smile fell off his face. "What?"

"I can't do this any more."

"What?"

"This.... this. The being a part-time shag. The being there for you when you want me, but shut out the rest of the time. The watching my friends die from your insane messes, which I knew nothing about because you neglected to mention the insane ex-lover and vengeful brother who were going to try to destroy the world."

Jack was speechless. There was a whole host of things that he wanted to say, refutations he wanted to make, feelings he had to articulate. But what came out was: "You're not a part-time shag."

Ianto gave a mirthless laugh. "What am I then, Jack? A full-time shag?"

"No, that's not what I meant. You're more to me than that."

"Ha!" Ianto turned away.

"I... I..." Jack took a deep breath. "I love you."

Ianto paused, his back to Jack. "I know you do. But only in the same way that you love Gwen. We both know that if she hadn't had Rhys, you'd be sleeping with her by now. In fact, I think that if she asked, you _would _be sleeping with her, and I'd be a goner." There was a barely concealed sob in his voice.

Jack looked down. He couldn't deny that he loved Gwen, but...

"I love you more."

"Yeah, right, Jack."

There was a silence. Ianto straightened and turned around, an indifferent mask in place.

"My shortlist of potential candidates for my replacement is on my desk. I've narrowed it down to ten of them, I pre-interviewed them already, pretending I was recruiting for MI6 -"

"Whoa, whoa, what?"

"I wouldn't want to leave you with no-one to brew the coffee for you. That's all I really do around here, isn't it?"

"I understand if you don't want to sleep with me any more, I get it, really, if you need a break, space, whatever. But you can't leave Torchwood! Look, is this a reaction to Tosh and Owen? Don't be anything stupid, just because you're grieving...."

"This has been brewing for a while. They were just the catalyst. I don't think you quite get it, Jack."

He mouthed incoherently. "You can't leave Torchwood, you can't. We need you. I need you!"

"I can and I will."

"Torchwood is all you have!" Jack was screaming now. "This is your world!"

"That's why I have to go now, while I still have the strength to back out."

"You'll put us all at a security risk. I'll have to retcon you, and I don't know whether I'm strong enough to do that. To see you as a civilian, save your life from aliens, pass you in the street, knowing that I loved you and you don't know it. I can't live without you, any more than I could have lived without Gwen that time -"

Jack paused, suddenly realising what he had said. Ianto had noticed too, and his mouth twisted into an ugly grimace of amusement.

"You see?"

"That's not what I meant! I would rather live a hundred times without her, than one minute without you."

"Liar."

"I won't do it, Ianto! You may have got this crazy idea into your head that you need to leave, but I won't let you. I can't erase your memories! That's a choice I'm not willing to make!"

Ianto gave a small smile. There was no joy in it. "You won't have to."

He held up the coffee cup he was holding.

"I've retconned enough people. I know the dosage necessary to erase the last seven years. I won't remember you, or Lisa, or either Torchwood. My brain will create false memories to fill the gaps, and I've planted a letter saying that I've been fired from a major bank, the same one which I've been telling my parents that I work for, to explain why I'm unemployed. I've also arranged for myself to get a letter in three weeks time from a law firm in Buenos Aires offering me a job there, with a salary I can't refuse, so hopefully I'll be so far away from here that there will be nothing to jog my memory."

Jack stared, open mouthed.

"So you won't have to worry about running into me on the street. I'll only be home at Christmas, probably. And even then, you have no idea where my parents live, and I've destroyed my files so you can't look it up. I think I've covered everything, and I'm not really clever enough that if I have left anything behind, one clue will bring it all back."

"That much retcon could kill you, or make you lose your mind. Like Max." Jack said quietly. "You could commit murder. Kill innocent people. Either that, or you'll end up in an asylum, screaming incoherently at the wall, trapped in a body which will be alien to you. Is that what you want?"

Ianto shuddered, and closed his eyes. "It's a risk I'm willing to take. I trust you far enough, that if you ever cared for me at all, you'd shoot me before that happened."

The silence returned.

Ianto broke it with false cheer. "Anyway, you'll find one of my candidates suitable, and so you'll have someone to make you coffee soon enough. Then, you'll probably start sleeping with them, and it'll be as if I never existed. In fact, as far as the records show, I won't have done-"

"I LOVE YOU! Does that mean nothing to you?" Jack grabbed him by the shoulders and would have shaken him, except that Ianto leaned forward and placed a passionate kiss on his lips.

They separated when the younger man stepped back, and out of Jack's reach. The captain made to follow, but an arm was put out to stop him, hold him away. Ianto looked directly into his eyes as he spoke, and the hurt and anger there made the captain's heart break.

"When we started fucking, I promised myself that I wouldn't fall for you. I didn't want to go through that much pain again. Well-" That mirthless laugh again. " -that failed miserably. I love you. I am madly _in love_ with you. And I'm sure that at this moment, you truly believe that you love me too. But it's only a matter of time until you stray, be it with Gwen or someone else, because love for you doesn't mean faith. You love too much, Jack. Too many people. Your Doctor, the mysterious Rose, Martha, Gwen... Me. And I don't think that I could live through that, having to stand to one side and watch you leave me. I'd die. You _will_ leave, Jack, I know it. So do you. And if I don't get out, save myself now, then I lose my last chance for a normal life."

He lifted the coffee cup to his lips, and drank the contents in one gulp.

"I delayed the sedative, so I have about an hour, time to get home and into bed before it hits." He walked forward, into Jack's personal space. Jack could smell the strong coffee on his breath. It was bitter, and warm, and entirely Ianto.

"Goodbye," Ianto whispered, and kissed him.

Then, he turned around, and walked out of the Hub, and Jack's life.


End file.
